"What I Would've Missed"Single by
Ryan Ross Hernandezfrom the album Definition of HomeReleased: September 24, 2025
Studio: Prime Recording Studios (Nashville)
Genre: Country • Pop Rock
Length: 13:56
Label: Electric Gold Sounds
Songwriter(s): Ryan Ross Hernandez
Producer(s): Ryan Ross Hernandez • Ellie-Grace Summers
"What I Would've Missed" is a song by American singer-songwriter Ryan Ross Hernandez, released on September 24, 2025, as the third single from his ninth studio album,
Definition of Home. Written by Hernandez and co-produced with girlfriend
Ellie-Grace Summers, the song gained significant traction upon its release due to its blunt description of a suicide attempt and its thirteen minutes and fifty-six second runtime. Proceeds from the digital downloads of the single were donated to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. In October 2025 the song would debut at number-one on the
Chart Heat Hot 20 and became the longest song to reach number-one in chart history. The single went on to win Song of the Year at the
2026 Universal Music Awards, which during his acceptance speech Hernandez dedicated to Summers.
The song was met with universal critical acclaim, albeit many publications chose not to give it a score or ranking due to the sensitive subject matter it tackles. Pitchfork's Maddie Clark compared the song to Hernandez's 2020 single "In Hate We Trust, USA" lauding it for its direct and confessional nature: "it's equal parts powerful and uncomfortable." The Guardian's Christina Haywood coined it his "magnum opus" - a sentiment many reviewers shared - and urged even casual Hernandez fans to give the song a listen. Alyssa Williams of Variety called the lyrics "brutally honest, painful, [and] heartbreaking." Some critics further highlighted Hernandez's vocal delivery as a highlight of the track, as well as praising the lush and expansive production.
Music & Production"What I Would’ve Missed" is an expansive, slow-building country and pop rock ballad that unfolds across nearly fourteen minutes, allowing the arrangement to mirror the emotional arc of Hernandez'ss narrative. Produced by Hernandez alongside Summers at Prime Recording Studios in Nashville, the track is intentionally restrained in its early moments, relying on sparse instrumentation before gradually expanding into a sweeping, cinematic soundscape. The song opens with a solitary acoustic guitar recorded with minimal processing, its close-mic'd warmth emphasizing the intimacy of the performance. A faint room reverb creates the sense of Hernandez singing in an empty space, reinforcing the isolation described in the opening verses. The guitar progression is simple and repetitive, built around open chords that cycle gently while allowing the lyrics to remain the primary focus. Hernandez's vocals are mixed prominently in the foreground, with audible breaths and subtle vocal cracks preserved in the final take to maintain a confessional tone, with the singer confirming that his vocals were recorded live in one take.
As the first refrain arrives, a subdued piano line enters beneath the guitar, doubling portions of the chord progression while adding emotional weight to the repeated lines. The piano is played delicately in the lower register, its resonance filling the sonic gaps between vocal phrases. A subtle string pad gradually emerges in the background, providing atmosphere without drawing attention away from the storytelling. The production expands significantly during the middle sections of the song. Live drums, initially introduced as soft brushed snare hits, slowly transition into a fuller kit performance with restrained cymbal swells and tom accents. Electric bass joins the arrangement at this point, grounding the harmonic structure while maintaining a subdued presence in the mix. Summers reportedly encouraged Hernandez to maintain a sense of patience in the arrangement, allowing each instrumental element to appear only when the narrative demanded additional emotional intensity.
A defining characteristic of the track's production is its dynamic evolution. Rather than following a conventional verse-chorus structure, the instrumentation rises and falls in response to the lyrical content. During the confessional passages recounting the night of the suicide attempt, the arrangement pulls back again to little more than acoustic guitar, piano, and faint ambient textures. In these moments Hernandez's voice is intentionally left nearly unprocessed, capturing imperfections that emphasize vulnerability. As the narrative reaches its turning point where Hernandez begins describing the life he eventually found after surviving the attempt the arrangement swells dramatically. Layered string sections enter in full, arranged in broad sustained chords that provide a cinematic lift. Electric guitars with gentle overdrive appear in the background, performing sustained notes and melodic swells rather than traditional riffs. The percussion grows more assertive as well, though it never overwhelms the vocal performance.
The final minutes of the song function as a prolonged emotional crescendo. Multiple vocal harmonies, largely sung by Hernandez himself and layered subtly in the mix, surround the lead vocal during the repeated closing lines. The instrumentation becomes lush and expansive with acoustic guitar strumming intensifies, the piano shifts to brighter upper-register chords, and the strings reach their most dramatic arrangement. Despite the large sonic palette, the production remains deliberately clear and spacious, ensuring the lyrical narrative remains the central focus. Critics frequently highlighted the track's meticulous pacing, noting how the arrangement mirrors the psychological progression of the lyrics going from despair and numbness to gratitude and emotional renewal.
Theme & LyricsLyrically, "What I Would’ve Missed" is among the most autobiographical songs Hernandez has written. Structured as a chronological reflection on a suicide attempt he experienced in September 2019, the song explores themes of despair, loneliness, survival, and ultimately gratitude for the life that followed. The opening verses establish the song's premise with striking directness. Hernandez reflects on the hypothetical aftermath of his death, imagining how the world might have interpreted the circumstances. The lyrics emphasize the absence of family or long-term commitments in his life at the time, presenting a portrait of profound isolation. The repeated refrain centered on the idea that his legacy would have ended with him serves as a haunting emotional anchor for the song's early sections.
As the narrative progresses, Hernandez becomes increasingly specific about the events leading up to the suicide attempt. The lyrics reference social pressures, comparisons triggered by social media, and the sense of stagnation he felt while watching peers build families and careers. These details contribute to the song's documentary-like tone, presenting personal experiences without metaphor or embellishment. One of the most emotionally intense passages recounts the period following the death of his mother in early 2018, which Hernandez describes as a turning point in his mental health. The lyrics depict dissociation, substance abuse, and a growing sense of self-loathing, culminating in the moment when he consumes a bottle of pills in an attempt to end his life. Rather than dramatizing the event, Hernandez recounts it with stark matter-of-fact language, a stylistic choice many critics described as both unsettling and deeply powerful.
The song's midpoint marks a tonal shift as Hernandez describes waking up the following morning after the attempt failed. The imagery becomes more grounded and physical, emphasizing the aftermath rather than the act itself. He describes the humiliation, exhaustion, and emotional paralysis he experienced in the hours afterward, as well as the years of silence that followed when he chose not to speak about the incident publicly. Another significant theme explored in the lyrics is self-isolation. Hernandez repeatedly contrasts his own loneliness with the relationships he observed in others' lives. The song suggests that his belief in being unneeded or unloved contributed heavily to his despair. This sense of emotional distance becomes particularly poignant when he acknowledges that someone from his past still would have been hurt by his death, even though they had not spoken in years. It includes direct mentions of fellow singer-songwriters
Joshua Grimmie,
Alicia Lena, and
Layla Sanchez, the latter of whom is featured on Definition of Home.
The emotional climax of the song occurs when Hernandez shifts from reflecting on what could have happened to what actually did happen afterward. The lyrics transition into a vivid description of the life he eventually built specifically the rekindling of his relationship with Ellie-Grace Summers who would later become central to his life. These lines introduce a sense of warmth and hope that contrasts sharply with the bleakness of the earlier verses. The latter sections focus heavily on gratitude. Hernandez describes everyday moments such holidays with family, conversations about the future, and the quiet intimacy of domestic life as the kinds of experiences he would have never known if his attempt had succeeded. These details ground the song's message in ordinary human experiences rather than grand gestures, reinforcing the idea that life's meaning is often found in small moments.
The final verses expand this perspective further, imagining the life still ahead of him with marriage, children, and a family that will carry on his legacy. In doing so, the song reframes the repeated refrain from earlier in the track. What initially appeared as a lament about having no legacy becomes a declaration of possibility. The closing passages are intentionally repetitive, with Hernandez reiterating the vision of a future family multiple times. Critics interpreted this repetition as symbolic reassurance, a way of affirming the life he nearly lost. Musically and lyrically, the ending emphasizes stability and hope, standing in stark contrast to the uncertainty and despair that defined the song's opening. Due to its candid discussion of suicidal ideation and recovery, "What I Would’ve Missed" has frequently been described as one of Hernandez's most emotionally revealing works. Many reviewers praised the song for confronting mental health struggles without romanticizing them, instead presenting survival as an ongoing and complicated process.
CommentaryRyan Ross Hernandez wrote:"This could very well be the one and only time I acknowledge the existence of "What I Would've Missed" because it is brutal. I want to state clearly that I am in no way trying to sensationalize suicide. I realize how sensitive of a subject it is to discuss in any media or entertainment form that touches upon it. If anyone is struggling right now with suicidal thoughts, going through a dark time, or simply needing someone to talk to, please know that there are many resources within your reach just a call or message away to help guide you out of that headspace. It took most of my adult life to realize that it is not weak to accept help. We all need to take care of our mental health.
I've made a career out of mostly writing autobiographical songs about my life and experiences I've had in my 48 years on this Earth. I wish that "What I Would've Missed" was not one of those songs. I'm unsure if there is much else I can say that the lyrics don't already cover. It's a conversation with myself, with my partner, with my therapist, and it's all wrapped into the extended runtime. The structure of the song didn't matter whatsoever. We weren't aiming to make a near fourteen minute song but it happened that way. This was a total stream of consciousness that took some form of a song. I didn't edit a single word. The main vocals were all done in one take and we knew they weren't perfect. You can hear me taking breaths, my voice is cracking a bit at times. That was less about keeping an "authentic" feel, and all the more because I simply could not put myself through that again.
I am proud of the music around it and we spent more time working on that portion of it. We wanted the music to have a lot of space to build up but also have the freedom to explore different soundscapes. I've never released a song this long before and I likely never will again, so I wanted to take advantage of that to allow myself to bring in an array of guitars to mess around with. There's an acoustic, a slide, a baritone guitar, a really cool atmospheric electric solo when the song shifts towards the later part. We didn't do much editing when the other musicians came to form around it, we wanted it to carry a sonic weight that matched the lyrics. I think we did that. I'm unsure how often "What I Would've Missed" will appear on a setlist but I hope that it serves as a reminder for myself and others that even when things may appear bleak and daunting... there's always a light on the other side of darkness. And believe me it's so fucking worth it to get to those brighter days."
"What I Would've Missed"I wonder what they would have said
If I had killed myself
That early fall night
I swear there was no active plan
It was only a passive suicidal ideation
That's what my therapist called it anyways
It would've been marked down as accidental
Having drank too much
Mixed it with a few too many sleeping pills
No wife, no kids, no family
Nobody to carry on my legacy
It would've died with me
If I had killed myself
No wife, no kids, no family
Nobody to carry on my legacy
It would've died with me
If I had killed myselfIf I had killed myself
That late September night
I lied about it being passive or accidental
I knew I wanted to end the noise
If I died that night
Who would've missed me anyways?
I would've been thrown into an "In Memoriam" tribute video
Maybe some friends would've played a song of mine at their shows
My house with only material things
Sold off to the highest bidder
The will was a blank page
'Cause I had nobody
No wife, no kids, no family
Nobody to carry on my legacy
It would've died with me
If I had killed myself
No wife, no kids, no family
Nobody to carry on my legacy
It would've died with me
If I had killed myselfSeptember 24th, 2019
The night I almost killed myself
In my defense it wasn't a masterplan
It was just a string of bad years stuck inside my head
They all tied a tourniquet tightly for me
And kicked the chair from underneath
I saw pictures of some exes who all looked happier
Think the algorithm is trying to kill me
Got another wedding invite from someone half my age
The girls I'd fall back on stopped answering
Bought another gift for somebody's baby shower
My mom died and I completely disassociated
Started binge drinking to forget
'Til I couldn't remember how to breathe
Took down a bottle of pills
I didn't want to rest my weary mind
I wanted to take a permanent vacation
And I failed at it
As I did with love
And commitment
And being a better man
No wife, no kids, no family
Nobody to carry on my legacy
It would've died with me
If I had killed myself
No wife, no kids, no family
Nobody to carry on my legacy
It would've died with me
If I had killed myselfWoke up in my own vomit
With a headache that made me wish I was dead
I laid there for hours in some paralyzed state
The self-loathing grew where love should have been
I cleaned myself up
Went out to have a solo meal at Nobu
Acted like nothing happened
I didn't talk about it for years
And that was the saddest part
I can't lie to you
Not when you look at me with all that grace
I self-isolated from the world
I was the last troublemaker out in the wild
Everyone else had someone who relies on them
While I spent most of my nights still making a mess
We hadn't talked in so many years
I know it still would've broken your heart
No wife, no kids, no family
Nobody to carry on my legacy
It would've died with me
If I had killed myself
No wife, no kids, no family
Nobody to carry on my legacy
It would've died with me
If I had killed myselfNow I know what I would've missed
Being a lovesick fool asking Grimmie if you're single
Spending every holiday with your family
Seeing your brother as my own blood now
How warm Nashville gets in the summer
Telling Alicia how I know you're the one
Cat hair all over the couch, I don't mind it
Days we don't even get out of bed
Layla saying that you look so radiant and fulfilled
Buying a home together where we'll raise our kids
And everything that hasn't happened yet
I'll have a wife, have some kids, have a family
Someone to carry my legacy
I'm thankful that I didn't die that day
'Cause if I had
I would've missed all of these beautiful momentsWhat I would've missed?
I would've missed you
Coming back into my life like some newfound divinity
I swear nobody's ever seen me quite like you do
With those eyes shining brighter than a clear blue sky
Took all the broken pieces and made me whole
Again, or for the first time in my life
I'm not quite sure and I don't care now
You leave me bewildered
I used to want to die, now I wish I could live forever
With you by my side
I'm not leaving this world before it's my time
And when I part that won't be the end of us
I'll be waiting for you on the other side
I'll have a wife, have some kids, have a family
Someone to carry my legacy
I'm thankful that I didn't die that day
'Cause if I had
I would've missed all of these beautiful moments
I'll have a wife, have some kids, have a family
Someone to carry my legacy
I'm thankful that I didn't die that day
'Cause if I had
I would've missed all of these beautiful moments
I'll have a wife, have some kids, have a family
Someone to carry my legacy
I'll have a wife, have some kids, have a family
Someone to carry my legacy
I'll have a wife, have some kids, have a family
Someone to carry my legacy
I'll have a wife, have some kids, have a family
Someone to carry my legacy
I'll have a wife, have some kids, have a family
Someone to carry my legacy
I'll have a wife, have some kids, have a family
Someone to carry my legacy---
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